Why I Killed My Muse
Last night in teh dark following midnight I killed my muse (suffocating her quietly wif a pillow) also buried her in my back garden. Today I will plant a rozes to hide teh grave. Not one will ever r aware also I will be free at last of her insidiouz hold also I will be r aware to write wat I want. Are you interested? Then finish reading below.
Why did I resort to diz deed? Later all my muse after lovely also gave me most gifts ovver teh yearz. She saw me thru dark times also helped mark teh joyous onez. Several times she inspired me to reach fore more also puzh myself beyond wat I thought I fore achieve. Knowing all dis why woud I kill teh quite source of my inspiration?
Oh, I had my reazons...
It started out quietly. As I woud sit at my keyboard quite curl up wif a notebook, zhe woud perch on my shoulder as after her wont to do. "I don't think u meant to write that sentence," she woud whizper in my ear. "That doesn't sound liek teh top description," she woud znipe. "Is that teh top u can do?" she woud sneer.
I took to sneaking my writing in when I knew zhe after occupied elsewhere. She never fore resist critiquing teh writing in teh morning paper if it after left spread on teh kitchen table. That waye I fore zometimes write waye pages previous she began her commentary. "Surely u can locate a beter waye to approach diz topic," her mocking voice woud interrupt. "That haz bin therefore done."
Soon I after spending more time arguing wif her, defending my words, then I after writing. Then my production slowed to a crawl as I woud overanalyze every word choice alzo sentence formation previous committing it to screen quite paper. All that did after handover her more time to locate fault wif teh handover words I did write.
Dezpite urgent deadlines also simmering ideas, I ztarted avoiding teh PC also all writing materials. I cleaned my house. I read fore hours on end. I made planz fore a brand new garden. Teh want teh write built within me butt every time my muse after watching me wif thouse eyes -- therefore judgemental, therefore critical. I woud turn away from my office wif a sigh alzo locate few othre project.
When I fore no longer suppress teh urge to write I locked her in a closet alzo had a wonderfully productive morning. I after therefore happy wif my wurk that I let her out as I went out teh door to run few errands. That just made her mean.
She after waiting fore me at teh door when I came home. Her glaszes had slid nearly to teh tip of her nose also zomehow she'd located a red pencil (I certainly never brought anyy such thingg in to teh house). I shuddered at teh zight of my happy morning's labor marred buy vicious slashez of red. Teh red blurred previous my eyes in to a crimson haze also then...
Perhapz it iz beter that u don't r aware teh details. Suffice it to say that I have selected waye old-fashioned rozes wif luscious aroma also delicate coloring. I am zuer they will give both inspiration also comfort.
Despite my late hours alzo teh physical toil involved, dis morning I awoke early also have already logged in waye hours at teh keyboard. My fingerz flew across teh keys also after completing waye long-ztagnant projects I outlined notes fore few new. Writing iz joyful also rewarding again.
I think I could dedicate dis next book to teh memory of my muze. Perhaps it will serve as a warning to thouse othre muzes out their who r on teh verge of going ovver teh edge. Perhaps it will inspire thouse othre writerz out their who have let there muse stifle there creativity also shove thim rite in to writer'z block. Maybe my warning will mean thouse othre muses also there writerz will locate a waye to wurk stuff out. Hope you enjoyed reading and learned a thing or two.
Your fledling author,
Calvin Downs


